Purging out the Bad Things From 2006

I originally titled this as "The year 2006 is coming to an end" but it has turned into a post about my ex-friend. As I promised earlier, you won't hear anymore about her after New Years. Writing about these things is a good way to purge them out. I want the new year to start out good. I now believe that the way an old year ends, determines how the new year will begin. 2004 ended badly, which is why the beginning of 2005 was bad. Then the end of 2005 ended better, so the beginning of 2006 was good. Here is how it all went...

This year was so much better than last year! The only bad times were during the times I spent with my friend and her loser boyfriend. At the end of last year, we were still friends, now at the end of this year, we're not friends anymore! but she still doesn't know that! I've been trying to figure out what to say whenever she does call me. Last week, I had a dream that she called me, and my mom picked up the phone and said "Lisa's on the phone." I asked her to hand it to me. Before the dream, I had thought of what to say to her which was something like this: "Lisa I don't want to be your friend anymore! and you better not call back after I hang up! or I will put a restraining order on you!" Anyways, in the dream I actually said that to her, then she yelled very loudly, but I didn't know what she was saying because I was holding the phone away from me, then I thought I heard her boyfriend yelling in the background. And that was the end of the dream. I wonder if that's a sign of what could happen, or if the dream happened because of my fear of what I think could happen. I don't think I have to go as far as putting a restraining order on Lisa, but I do know that she is capable of getting very angry. She will call over and over again if you either hang up on her after her first call, or if you ignore her calls. She usually doesn't leave messages, but if she's angry enough, she will leave one very very angry message. I'm hoping by 2007, I will be rid of my ex-friend for good. Hopefully she won't ruin my new year again. In 2004, she ruined New Years eve. She was still living with me, but my parents were kicking her out in January. Anyways, that day, all we did was fight. At some point she says "Oh Happy Fucking New Year! It sure started with a bang!" That was it, that whole day was ruined! I always loved celebrating New Years, but I spent that evening sleeping! After midnight, one of Lisa's friends called me to wish me and Lisa a happy new year, but me and Lisa were sleeping and I told him that. He couldn't believe that, but I was pissed that he was celebrating! I told him to leave me alone and I hung up. The fights carried on into 2005, Lisa would try to make me feel guilty about her being kicked out by saying things like "While you're in your warm bed, I'll be out in the cold streets!" Looking back at these incidents, I can't believe I didn't break off our friendship sooner! Although I did think about it a few times, as a matter of fact, deep down inside I was glad my parents were kicking her out! then I would have the freedom to do what I want! Freedom from spending the whole day and night in Lisa's room. I would make up excuses to leave her room just to have two minutes to myself! If I was leaving her room, she would be like, "where you going?" then another time, if I asked her "Can I leave?" then she would say "Of course! I'm not your hostage!" See where I'm going with this? there was no way of winning!
I've figured out why I didn't break off my friendship with Lisa sooner. 1. I'd remember all the good times, and think, it's not always so bad. 2. Lisa has told me that I am the only friend that hasn't screwed her over, so basically I felt that if I left her, I'd be betraying her, I wanted to be the good friend that was always there for her. 3. There were times when she would make me feel guilty about certain things. For example: The night she was kicked out of my house, I drove her around all night trying to find a place for her to stay because I wanted to be the friend who was real because I was there for her. 4. I felt trapped, like there was no way out of the friendship. She is the type of person who doesn't take the word "No" as an answer. I can almost understand why it's hard for a woman to leave an abusive boyfriend or husband. It was almost the same thing with my friendship with Lisa, you know that some of the things they're doing is wrong, but you feel like you don't have the power to leave, or you ignore all the negatives.

Everytime I've looked back in my life, it's always the same thing, "How could I be so stupid!" Every mistake I've made in the past, I say that same exact thing. I know that it's in our nature to make mistakes, even if it's the same one over and over again. I just wish I didn't have to learn the hard way. This time, I hope I never have another friendship like Lisa's ever again.

OK, that's enough of that now! I am ready to move on to 2007.

Here's to a new beginning!

Cheers!